I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
