Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
