dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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