Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
