I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
