i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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