trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
