Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
