the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
