he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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