either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
