smell my finger.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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