in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
