i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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