I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
