you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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