Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
