Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
