A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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