By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
