i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
