wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
