i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
