I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
