the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
