i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
