I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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