I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
