I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
