my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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