another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
