I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
