I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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