Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
