I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
