I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
