the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
