There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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