plz talk dirty to me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry about my life...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
