I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
