id be glad to
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
