he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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