i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
