For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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