Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
