she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
