Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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