I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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