I'm jealous of your bromance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
