Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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