They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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