I've blown a few things in my day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
