It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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