Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
