remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
