I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
