i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
