***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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