im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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