I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
